Idiot Note
by Thundercock Soulpuncher
Summary: When the Kira case was solved, and by that i mean Kira disappeared, so did the Death Note, everyone forgot Near kept it in the dark corners of his closet, even Nier, a police officer suddenly remembers the Death Note is missing, and researches its location to keep it from falling in the wrong hands, idiotic hands, as the title might tell you


Whenever there is a huge line, with a name or noun afterwards, that means the story from that point onward is seen from the eyes of that noun, it it says Rock, you will be seeing everything from the rock's point of view

IDIOT NOTE

Near

My name is Near

Well,my name is not Near,but id rather have people call me that and make horrible jokes involving distance than people calling me by my real name

Probably because my name is horrendous, i mean,who calls their kid Nate?!

Anyways,after we caught Kira, everyone forgot i kept the Death Note, but suddenly a random police officer with a funny accent called me to see if i still had it, i guess they were busy investigating that massive missing apples case back from when Kira stopped being best friends with Death

Police guy:"Yo whats up"

Me:"Who's calling?,and why?"

Police guy:"This is the police,we-

Near:"HOLY SHIT DID YOU FIND MY ILLEGAL UNCENSORED TOY PORN STASH"

Police guy:"No,we-

Me:"GODDAMN DID YOU FIGURE THOSE GLASSES I WAS USING IN THE CHESS TOURNAMENT WEREN'T SAFETY GOGGLES

"

Police guy :"What does that have to do with-

Police guy :OH,you mean against the model"

Police guy :"So how was she?"

Me:"I still prefer Optimus"

Police guy:...

Me:...

Police guy:"Ill forgive you if you send me pics"

Me:"Deal"

Me:"Anyways,why are you calling me then?"

Police guy:"You remember how you stopped Kira a few years ago?"

Me:"No"

Police guy:"Me neither,anyways,i just remembered you kept the Death Note when we were done"

Me:"The what?"

Police guy:"The Death Note,you know,a notebook that says Death Note in the front?"

Me:"Ooooh,i remember,yes i have it"

Police guy:"I was wondering if i could borro-,I mean if you could return it"

Me:"And if i refuse?"

Police guy:"Ill tell everyone and their mothers about your illegal porn stash and goggles"

Me:"Ok,when do you want it?"

After about 20 minutes of screwing around he told me where he lived, it baffles me why he didn't just tell me to go to the nearest police station

I have the Death Note by my side,it even has its seat belt, i think all those Near jokes are making me go mad

The Police guy's place isn't far aw-

HOLY SHIT IS THAT A TRANSFORMERS EXPO!?

Drunkard

Guy with Glasses:"Could i have a beer please?"

Barmaid:"Sir,could you be more specific?"

Guy with glasses"A Beer mark Beer"

Barmaid"Huh,i didn't know we had those"

After a few dozen seconds,the barmaid comes back with a bottle that says beer beer

Guy with glasses:"thanks"

I empty the bottle onto a glass she also brought, i empty it slowly since the last time i didn't, i had to buy someone a new cellphone

My name is Junko, not only is it a womans name, it also sound like junkie

Yes, i hate my parents

I come here often, the beer is good and cheap, there is also a free trampoline outside, and no one here has ever asked for my name

Barmaid:"Hey, you come here like 9000 times a week,but i still don't know your name"

Fuck

Sadly, i had to tell the barmaid my name, thankfully she had more consideration than people usually have when talking about my name, she went to the back-room and did something i imagine was extreme laughter,and came back with a card that allowed me to get a 50% discount on anything in the bar

I finished my beer, and ordered another one for the road

After wandering around a bit, i saw a crashed car near the entrance to a children's toy expo, out of curiosity i started walking towards it

Wait, is that...

A LIMITED EDITION DEATH NOTE!?

I punched the door open and took it

As i thought about a use for it, despite the fact i was drunk as shit,i managed to write a name and a (relatively)coherent cause of death and all that stuff

Kazuma Hanabira -the prime minister or president or whatever

Mill cummit soicide in hes nierest loive broadcased interview ater tolling teh turd about teh rulers oaf tits notion

TACOS

I start heading back home

Near

It took me about an hour or 2 to put everything i bought in the expo back in my car, even if i didn't do the best of parkings, the only damage apart from a few scratches was a broken window

As i start heading for the Police Guy's home, i turn on the radio, i decide to quickly turn it off after quickly browsing trough its contents

Pretty much everything there is

:

A)Horrendous music

B)The news

Apparently there is an interview with Kazuma Hanabira later today, he is apparently going to talk about his sex life

Girl

My dick punching session is interrupted by what i assume is someone trying to open the door, but drunkenly failing and ending up knocking it by passing out in front of it

"Man,this is the 3rd time this week"

"Could he at least pass out INSIDE the house?"

I mumble to myself as i head for the door

What is lying in the welcome mattress is something someone who spends more time on the internet than they should would call a Unusually Uninteresting Sight

*sigh*

I take him,and his beer bottle to their room

As i go to clean our entrance of things you usually find around unconscious drunk people, i decide i'd rather not,but remember the door is open

As i go close the door,i notice there is a turd lying around

Oh wait, it's a notebook

I pick it up with sink gloves and examine its contents

There are some silly annotations about how you can use it to kill people and whatnot, after those there is(wait for it) an actual notebook,with A LOT of names written on it, these names are all horrendous, was this someone's list of people who hate their parents?, there is something written upside down written on the last page

Kazuma Hanabira -the prime minister or president or whatever

Mill cummit soicide in hes nierest loive broadcased interview ater tolling teh turd about teh rulers oaf tits notion

TACOS

WHAT.

THE.

FUCK.

That sentence is so horribly written, even crappy fanfiction writers laugh at it

I need to upload this to the internet

Suddenly, i hear a voice

GIVE HER THE CHOCOLATE HISAO!

A very disturbing voice

I need to install soundproof doors and walls on Junko's room one of these days

WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY BOOZE!?

It seems the cancerous mass in Junko's head is infecting his eyes

, since i left it in his nightstand

I decide to take advantage of the situation

Girl: "Mom took it, she said she would only give it back when the front door stopped looking like a hobo's breeding ground"

I guess it was a good idea not to tell him that mom killed herself, and that the only thing written in her suicide note was

:

I FUCKING HATE YOU JUNKO

While Junko is cleaning up, i relocate the bottle to mom's room and afterwards go back to my dick punching simulator, it's not actually called that but it's pretty much what i use it for

When Junko finishes his daunting task, i go for the bottle at mom's room, i told Junko it was soundproof, so he never questions why i never talk to mom whenever i go there

When i give Junko's bottle back, he goes to his room and says some things you would normally hear in a romantic film

I am done with dick punching for the day, so i open my internet browser

In the starting page headline, there is something very disturbing

Kazuma Hanabira commints suicide, says Tacos are the true rulers of Japan

I slap myself to check if i'm still awake

Near

As i drive towards the police guy's house,i cannot help but feel something is missing

The broken window has proven itself to be quite troublesome,i have swallowed so many insects i feel like a frog

I finally arrive, luckily i did not crash my car this time, i don't know why i even have a drivers license

I am greeted by a middle aged man that has the shittiest haircut i have ever seen, it looks like he is dressed as a mop-themed superhero

Personally i imagined the police guy differently

Anyways,i show him the pictures,which he really liked

As i am about to leave,he asks me:

Police Guy:"Near,aren't you forgetting something?"

I stare awkwardly at the sky

...

...

Me:"The Death Note!, ill go get it"

After clearing all the transformers from the co-pilots seat , i see nothing

Come to think of it,i don't remember breaking this window when i crashed

Wait,that means...

MOTHERFUCKER

If someone actually reads this, please tell me what you thought, writing is a a career i may follow some day, i still have some time to think about it, so i wrote this to test my writing skills, the original story was spawned from a few talks with some friends about making a Death Note sequel, we had a lot of ideas, but none of us actually did anything, so i decided to write this with some of the ideas we had


End file.
